说你爱我

下着雨让尘气稀释回忆
我靠着你不出声音
看着你看着斑驳的甜蜜
爱你 困住你也困住我自己
我那躲也躲不掉的微妙伤口
隐隐作痛
你那戒也戒不掉的甜蜜借口
也让我精神腐朽

说你爱我变成一种问候
不如趁早放手
把爱坠落让满地鲜红
说你爱我变成一种折磨
不用陪我走到最后
我承担不起你的承诺

2.37am

Not even one message from you..

Alright, time to sleep..

After 5 hours, wake up, study..

Just hope i won't overslept

Nights.. 

一个人

每晚一个人的时候总乱想东西

越想越多，越想越烦，越想越伤心

狗狗在身边

让我觉得很安全，

我不是一个人

pain..

braces... tight.. pain.. ==


there's nothing i can do to erase the past
but i can make the future
i want you to be happy
we want you to be happy
wake up and go to sleep with a smile everyday :)

i love you

we love you

i like using 'we'

cuz it's more powerful xD

*we = dunno what animal + baby red trex*

<3

time for a change!

hmm.. start to see things differently now, which is good :)
those thoughts are going away, everything looks better~
still working on my personal issues, fortunately, its improving..
quite happy ^^

hope it's not too late

i promise i'll contain and tame the monster

:)

No where to write

So write here lo..

怎么那么想哭

找了两天，却还是找不到原因

真的很累

Tired..

你心情不好，大大声骂人，不是错，是道理..

我累一整天，在车上塞车塞两个小时半，爸爸又一直问为什么Jared到了你还没到？

我上车他又问，我只大声一点回答他多一次，我和他坐不同车回来而已,你就讲我凶..

累了一天，稍微失控一下，你难道不能纵容我一下吗？

你平时发脾气，我都还想想，不知道你是不是有什么烦恼，所以才这样..

有时你可不可以也想想，你的女儿是不是有什么烦恼，是不是压力太大..

你从来都不会觉得我有烦恼有压力的吧..

我答应过我自己

不会让你操心，

不会像哥，让你烦那么多事，

等我长大后养你，

尽量被骂时不回嘴，

孝顺你，疼你，

不让被人看不起你，

让你可以骄傲地跟别人说，

你有一个乖女儿，

从不让你烦恼..

I won't break those promises..

But sometimes..

I just wanna be loved more..

For me to move on.. 😞

Her

小时候，你是大姐姐

你去哪里，做什么，我们都会跟..

长大一点了，你有点像妈妈，

常常叫我们早早去睡觉，不要玩太夜，

当时真的觉得你有点烦 xD

现在，你是我的姐姐，我的好朋友

我们偶尔会熬夜聊天，聊到第二天早上，两个人都累到在车上睡着..

偶尔一起看戏，一起唱歌..

你的朋友变成了我的朋友，

我的朋友也变成了你的朋友..

今天晚餐后，在回吉隆坡的路途上

想起你，想到你快要去英国了

突然觉得很不舍得..

一年的时间，说长不长，说短不短

说不想你是骗人的啦 xp

I'm really gonna miss you ><

this few days

Wednesday 4/9

1st clinical skill class~ wee~ very very very fun

injections on sponges.. lol..

intramuscular, subcutaneous and dermal.. fun fun fun :) :)

but class till 6... pathology marathon, got KO half way..==

leukaemia... why u so many subtypes and why u so many things to remember... :(

Thursday 5/9

IELTS speaking test... erm.. i dont know what i said during the test.. whatever la, its over :)

after IELTS, went over to coffea coffee with classmates, we finished 1 chapter of biochem~ yay~

must study must keep going.. exam after 2 weeks!

and and and,

laopo ah, i know u know i stress.. i also know u stress, somemore need to cheer me up..

thanks a lot lo, those photos... hahahahaha! now i can laugh dy, that day too stressed up, but i smiled also lo.. :) :)

glad that you had fun with mel today, i really think you all should spend more time together, she makes you happy, you make her happy too, and you 2 happy makes me happy also~ hehehe

hopefully i can meet up with you tomorrow la~ ^^

time to sleep lo

good night =)

2/9

so many things to learn..
brain capacity left 5% or less ady..

so tired..
need a hug .__.

1st week of sem 2

one system, 4 weeks, no anatomy at all..
hmm.. easier? not at all..
overall, i passed 1st sem... which is good..
but.. really need to improve more...
or else im gonna fail my 1st PE, then i need to retake 1 or 2 years then fail again..

out of ideas how to study..
maybe im still not working hard enough i think..
but no games and movies... i'll go crazy..==
what to do?

study lo.. 4 and a half year more.. very fast one..
all the best :)

Stress

Tensed up shoulders and neck

Clenched teeth and fist

Cold hands

Pounding head

Difficulties in breathing

That's what I feel now

原来

原来，是我错了

是我让妳们那么不开心

受了那么多委屈

我会改的，放心

我常常看不到自己做错的事

谢谢妳愿意那么诚实的告诉我 :)

14 hours to go

exam is starting in 14 hours, im not done with my revision and my brain is certainly not working, all jammed up...

just, don't kill yourself ok..
fail is ok, just try again next time
work harder, harder and harder..
just don't stop and don't give up..

you'll just need to get through it kay?
at least u did some notes this time
leave it all to god, and see how everything turns out
good or bad, it all depends on ur input
good luck, you need tons of those..

Regretting.... again... again... again...

it's too late to finish everything now..

but here's some advice for the next exam:
-always study in some coffee house (eg: starbucks, pacific coffee,etc) because you can really focus there
-make short notes early so that you can just read through during revision week rather than making notes during that period of time, which is really really time consuming
-always pay attention in class to notice the very VERY important topics

always remind yourself
-you can do it
-just read, dont worry if you dont remember
-practice makes perfect
-dont let your friends and family down
-and you really really love to learn, never ever forget that :)

Good luck on Wednesday and Thursday

2nd CA

although you may screw up

but never give up

just try your best

maintain your previous grade

and improve slowly

it's ok to be slow

just learn something from it

that's enough

don't panic

look for your friends when you're too stressed out

:) :)

2 more days to CA2

yes, i'll screw up again..
because i'm so damn lazy to study everyday..
can someone come kick my ass and ask me to study?
wonder if i'll be able to at least get a marginal pass..
please don't fail..

2 more days to read, or should i say stuff everything i can into my tiny brain..
stop being so lazy and demotivated all the time..
just to tell the future me:
-you actually love studying, it may not sound true, but yes you do, start studying now and you'll know..
-please.. PLEASE start revision EARLY and study CONSISTENTLY, so it wouldn't be so hard to finish everything during revision week..
-remember just few more years, then you'll graduate (if you manage to), and earn $$ and can do whatever you want to do.. travel,shop,concerts,etc :)
-REMEMBER to make notes everytime you study, in ur own words, include some diagrams and tables, it is very HELPFUL
-make promises to urself and keep them, set some boundaries so you won't lose track of time to study

Basically that's all from the present me, don't feel too down before exams, just do ur best and pray hard..
Always remember you have friends and family supporting you..
and you have dreams and goals that you wanna achieve, good luck :)

remember

family

friends

happy times

knowledge

S.H.E

taiwan

travel

money

shopping

etc

:)

Random... lol

really random feelings i'm having now.. lol
just feel like hugging and kissing someone..
very random and weird, i know.... hahaha
but i'm never normal and getting even more insane everyday, hahahaha!
MBBS really drives people crazy xD

anyone for me to hug and kiss?

xD

;-)

: 3

:-*

<3

<3

<3

Helpless friend

My friends,

there are some situations that you faced that I am not able to give you advices,
that is because I never experienced these situations..
Sometimes, I couldn't even understand how you really feel inside..

Trying my best, I imagine myself facing the exact problems you're suffering from,
but, an imagination will never be exact or accurate..
Those advices I gave, are only something I think I would do if I were you..

I feel so helpless when you come to me,
I hear you crying on the phone, you can't speak clearly,
and I have no idea what you wanted to tell me..
All I can do is guess what you wanted me to know,
knowing how painful it is for you, it hurts me too..

How I wish there's something I can do for you to make you feel better,
help you solve the problems, but I can't, I don't know what can I do..

I can only lend you my ears and my shoulders..
distract you from those disturbing thoughts, tell you everything will be okay...

for the dearest one,
I'll always remind you, I'm always here, always beside you when you need me..
just give me a call, I'll answer your call anytime, anywhere and listen to you..
Even if you don't feel like talking, I can just be there to keep you company..

Never ever forget that I love you, very much..
as my best friend, my sister, my family.. and yes, as my wifey... <3

Source of motivation

Once in a while , I'll lose motivation and forgot my main aim in life..
Even today, after the briefing on the MBBS course outline and the modules that will be conducted,
I start thinking..
Am I really suitable to take on this course?
Do I really wanna do this, or is it because that I wanna make my mom proud?

Then, I got an answer from myself..
I WANT TO MAKE MY MOM PROUD
proud to have me as her daughter..
no one can ever look down on her..
to those who did.. I will prove to you that you were wrong
'She's not educated'.. SO WHAT?! She educated me well
'She smokes and gambles'..SO WHAT?! She's still a great mother

Everything she did to raise me up, I will never ever forget..
I promised myself, I will give her all the best things I will have in the future..

This is the only option I leave for myself, no other routes, no other way..
When there is only one way to go, the only thing I can do is move forward..
No walking backwards, I will not give myself a second choice..

My mother will always be my source of motivation..

Mommy, I Love You to the MAX <3 <3 <3

期望

我以为我被录取了..

今天到大学去，原本是要问有关学费的事..

她们却说，其实我还在候选人名单里，还没被正式录取..

我的心慌了，之前不是说我被录取了吗？当时真的很开心，过几天后还告诉妈咪了..

现在，让她空欢喜一场了吧..好失望，很不甘心..

我是真的要当医生的，而且我不要浪费时间！我要两个星期后就开学，我不要等...

说什么我的名字被放在候选人名单里前几个，被录取的几率会比较高..

现在整个人很空，好像没了方向..我的未来到底在哪里？不是当医生，那我该做什么？

虽然可以等到八月，到别的大学试试，但是如果连他们也不收我呢？

从没想过如果没被录取我会有怎样的心情，现在知道了..

很失望，很伤心，心很痛..

有朋友说我想事情想得很悲观，其实我只是想让自己有个心理准备，

才把事情都做了最坏的打算..那么如果真的发生了不好的事情，我也不会太失望，伤心..

有期望就有可能有失望，真的..

要等多两个星期，希望带来的是好消息吧..

Random thoughts

hello bloggie~
didn't post anything for quite some time ady..

hmm..
what to talk about today..
oh oh, my knee :)

well, wounds are healing well i guess..
just that one stitch..Ouch.. it hurts... like a lot when it's covered by that brace..
I wanna recover fast... very fast..
I wanna go out and have fun..
I wanna drive again..
I wanna go to school.. if they take me in of course...
hopefully they'll still like me, though i think i screwed up the interview... ><

felt so empty.. since...i don't even remember when this started..
not to say i don't have a life.. well, just not filling enough i guess..

People change.. a lot..
Including me, myself...
why didn't i change to a better person?
that person i always wanted to be..
generous, kind, optimist, sporty, diligent, caring... so much more good attitudes..
I want to be a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister, a good individual...

But who knows when can i reach that?
myself of course..
but going on with this current motivation, it'll definitely need a few centuries..

what a tiring day.. both physically and mentally...
time to shut the mind down, let's hope i'll have a positive mood tomorrow :)
nitey nites~ ^^