Bad times this holiday

this is by far the worst holiday i had,
other than the times spent with my cousins..
physically i have been having diarrhea for 4 days and that really affect my appetite
and i did not get any good food that can lift my mood, so im extra grumpy..
mentally, some family stuff and friendship stuff is really messing up my mood too..

and worst of all, i have no one to go to, i'm all by myself now..
some say during the holidays people heal, recover and run away from all the stresses
but this holiday, i didn't recover, instead i have more to recover from when this week ends

oh, and speaking of bad luck, i actually wrote so much more for this post but my old iphone pal died at the perfect timing and poof all of those are gone so yeah, a summary will do

Bad situation

Today is possibly one of the worst day if my life..

I am so angry at myself.. For injuring myself.. Again..

This time, I'm not in my holidays.. Which means this will affect my classes.. 

And I made my mom worry.. Again..

I'm so sorry mommy, for injuring myself and causing you so much trouble and making you so worry.. 

There's nothing I can do now, but I need to keep calm, and do my best to recover.. 

This is not my first.. But the situation I'm in right now is way different than 6years ago.. This time, there are more things to be worry about, the consequences that I'll need to face.. Depresses me and at the same time makes me feel so frustrated... I'm sorry mommy..

where's the love

one phone call from you, crashed her mood, and mine too

how difficult it is for you both to call every weekend?

how difficult it is for you both to bring her out for dinner once in a while?

how difficult it is to love her more?

i'm never strong, never independant, but i know i need to..

cause i know depending on anyone else is like walking on a thin thread

next second we'll be dead from the deadly fall

End of holiday countdown 7 days

last blog post was 2 months ago before my professional exam I,
where i felt im most vulnerable emotionally and can crack at any moment..
that 3 weeks of maximum stress, depression, restless nights, thoughts of giving up and feeling hopeless is something words cannot describe..

Going through difficult times like these is when you see friends and family play such important role in giving you mental support.. a simple message from a friend at 4am can really keep me going.. and thats how i keep myself from giving up..because i know they will be there, supporting me..
For having them in my life, i am indeed a very blessed and lucky girl :)

So... after maximum stress and so on during exam period it became maximum enjoy life and chillax period after results are released because i PASSED~ woohooo *claps* and *pops confetti*
Did too many things and a lot of outings, i dont know how to write it down so skip skip skip...

Krabi~
such a wonderful place.. seriously nice place..
had much fun with both of them, and finally get to rest properly and really drop the stress..
i'll definitely go back someday <3

so now.. i have less than 7 days till i start with the next phase of my uni life
so many things to do, so many people i wanna spend time with but lack of time.. TT
need to wait next break ady.. haih..



A note to myself:
time doesn't stop for anyone, so live your life to the fullest at every moment,
and never stop loving the people around you.
its impossible to not get stressed so find ways to recover from it
lastly, always work hard and play hard (please WORK HARD before you play hard) ;D

2015' 1st post

2015

I'm turning 21 but

I still feel like a kid

A year full of challenge,

1st up is of course the terrifying 1st professional exam in less than 2 weeks time..

Like what I've predicted, during this period of time, I'll be mentally and emotionally unstable.. Which I am now..

What I didn't see coming is that I didn't know I would feel so lost and so demotivated...

I just want to pass.. I want to be with them.. I want to leave home for some time.. I want to be independent..

Hope I can go through this..

After some time, I realized many things that I've believed in, is not true.. My beliefs are not valid.. And many of my expectations can never be fulfill..

One of my friend recently asked me, what is the meaning of life.. I thought about it, but I know I won't have an answer, because I'm so clueless all my life.. Thinking that I know something, but eventually realizing that I know nothing.. Hopeless...

The only thing I know (so far) is I can't live a life without love.. Family, friends, lover, pets.. I am a person who needs companion.. 

Most of the time I'll feel lonely.. But it's not that there are no one beside me, it's just that it'll still feel empty.. Maybe this is the reason why I'll always try to be there for my friends and family, because feeling empty sucks..

1.44am 21.1.15 pre-exam emo me