2015' 1st post

2015

I'm turning 21 but

I still feel like a kid

A year full of challenge,

1st up is of course the terrifying 1st professional exam in less than 2 weeks time..

Like what I've predicted, during this period of time, I'll be mentally and emotionally unstable.. Which I am now..

What I didn't see coming is that I didn't know I would feel so lost and so demotivated...

I just want to pass.. I want to be with them.. I want to leave home for some time.. I want to be independent..

Hope I can go through this..

After some time, I realized many things that I've believed in, is not true.. My beliefs are not valid.. And many of my expectations can never be fulfill..

One of my friend recently asked me, what is the meaning of life.. I thought about it, but I know I won't have an answer, because I'm so clueless all my life.. Thinking that I know something, but eventually realizing that I know nothing.. Hopeless...

The only thing I know (so far) is I can't live a life without love.. Family, friends, lover, pets.. I am a person who needs companion.. 

Most of the time I'll feel lonely.. But it's not that there are no one beside me, it's just that it'll still feel empty.. Maybe this is the reason why I'll always try to be there for my friends and family, because feeling empty sucks..

1.44am 21.1.15 pre-exam emo me